I’m an Idiot!


2 September 2016 (Pasadena, CA) Friday. Golf day. The big boys are ready to go. Long hitters. The kind of guys who hit wedges for their third shots on 600 yard par 5s (#18 at Industry Hills is 650 from the tips, 605 from the blues). The group chose the whites today which play damn near 6500 yards, the blues at Industry play a husky 6,900 yards! Advantage: big hitters. I am not a big hitter. Off the tee I am lucky to roll out to 210. I don’t hit a three wood–I hit a 4 hybrid about 175. I am at a disadvantage today. My short game needs to be spot on. Up and down from inside 120 yards is a must. Putts must be kept under 30. It’s the only chance I have with these dudes. This is where the idiot factor comes in. It started on 1, a dog-leg right par 5. I had  129 to the green. I shot it with my trusty Bushnell Rangefinder. I hit a solid 9 iron and end up 20 yards short! Then there was number 2. A short par 4 that requires an accurate tee shot which will leave you anywhere from 50-100 yards in. I hit a  great drive. The second shot is over water and I shot it at 69 yards. A half sand wedge will get me safely on. I hit it square and my ball drops in the middle of the lake! WTF? How am I going to hang with these dimple smashers if I can’t stick a shot from 69 over water? Third hole I hit a decent drive leaving me a 125 yard uphill shot. For some odd reason the cart GPS scopes the distance at 137! Of course I am going to trust my handheld over a cart GPS. It was to the pin. I thought, maybe the cart is calculating the uphill? Is that legal? Again, I come up short. Being the handheld snob I am, I ignored the cart distances the rest of the front nine and went with the old trusty Bushnell. It killed me. I was in distant second place (down 7 after 9) at the turn with the other two bombers right behind me. We hit the 10th, a tricky par five with a severe downhill and water on the right that grabs any ball that strays slightly off target. I hit a decent drive and a very nice second shot. I am 120 out. I decide to hit an extra club because of the water hazard but land 20 yards short (but dry). Again, WTF? I hit that shot flush. Something is fishy here. Again, the cart GPS disagreed with my Bushnell by almost 20 yards. I bogey 10 and find myself either tied or looking up at everyone else. I analyzed my Bushnell, estimated yardages then shot them to verify accuracy. Then, I saw it…the yardage (Y) was not not a Y but an (M) meter! I was mis-clubbing the first 10 holes because I was reading meters not yards. By that time, the damage was done. The fiasco was well in my mental kitchen. There would be no recovery, no last push. I would end the day tied for last 4 strokes behind 2nd place and a full 9 strokes behind the low score. I have to wait a whole week now to try to exact my revenge. I AM AN IDIOT.

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